he grows, he smiles, we all await.

"little boy", first of all a new addition to my family vocabulary, and second of all yes "little" being 7.4 kgs... this equates to 16. 31 lbs..  impossible by best friend says, "that the size of my frou frou dog"

We shall see I say, the updates from china are sporadic and somewhat un reliable.  I would be totally freaked out comparing his last update with this one being that he seems to have lost half his body weight from the last update where he had doubled his body weight from the the previous update.. what the heck, well investigate further and his birthday is only one year off from one update to the next so who knows what is really going on.  

All I know is we expected to be put off by china on this update, they warned us that the orphanage was moving rooms and things were chaotic so an update may not be possible.  We were prepared to leave this country to travel to his without knowing any updated information.  We were at peace with the unknown, not thrilled but excepting.  Something that does not come naturally to most and defiantly not to me (super hyper, momma crazed, update wanter ). However, this is the game of adoption, the throw the dice gamble side that we have lived for almost 5 years know including the rodeo of Nehas adoption. 

This is our new normal, the udder complete unknown with no abilities to will life any certain way.  The cliff you jump from, willingly, nervously, and with belief in the higher powers of good.  This is Adoption.

So you can imagine my elation when I opened my email in bed Friday morning in my bed on my phone.  I jumped up, and raced to the computer for a better, larger size view.  

He smiles, He's just a baby, So many things will be new to him.  I felt, in my first moments of these pictures peace.  The hurt of worry, and the pain of fear pooofed right out the window and I new I loved him truly as my son.  A feeling that I had had one year ago, a feeling that changed our lives as a family.  A feeling that had honestly dwindled with time and new second hand information had scared my unconditional love to a lonely place.  Although super fast and reliable, this adoption has internalized and nurtured a faith I didnt know I had since Bible school at Redeemer Lutheran Church (thank you grandma Reba).  The kind of belief that you cant give yourself, it is given to you only when you are willing to ask for it. Humble enough to except a destiny that you hadn't foreshadowed. Brave enough to believe in yourself, your family and your protector.   This was new for me.   

Life is not perfect, children are born with special needs us healthy bio kid parents dont even know about.  The world holds so many secrets, and if you never step out into the unknown you will never grow enough in yourself to make a difference.  To educate yourself, to meet new friends that would have never been in your life otherwise.  To unite 6 souls in a family that would have been compete strangers otherwise is nothing short or miraculous.  I have the steam and the mom-ness heavy right now.  

We are coming for you our son.  We have made the decision to drop that fear and run for the hills to you.